He jammed me from behind


One man jammed my truck recently from behind. There wasn’t any justifiable reason that could have led to that. As usual under such situations, I stormed out of the truck fuming but what the man said disarmed me. All I could do was to laugh my head off.

He said, “nwa m, biko hapu. Obughi my fault. Obu ndi obodo anyi. O na eme mu naji break ndi village anakwa m aka ‘azu – forgive me, my son. It is not my fault. My village people are at work because it happens that whenever I apply the break, I discover that my kinsmen end up pushing me from behind”. Poor old man! He believes that his village people are manipulating him spiritually.

I don’t know wether Onyedikachi Ugbogu, Iyke Ogbonna, Enerenwa Kingsley Ihechi and such other kinsmen of mine have started pushing me from behind in such away that my car is now resisting every effort of mine to come to a halt.

Yesterday, I made a post about the mad man whom I saw at Abayi where I was trying to pull out my car from a gutter. The post, in my assessment, was hilarious and didactic but before I could say “Jack Robbins” the post vanished. Nit to be seen again. But the devil is a liar. So also his mother inlaw.

For those of you who have reached me through inbox asking for the post, here is it once again. After all, what vanished is the post. Not my brain:

While waiting for my car to be pulled out from the gutter, I sauntered into a nearby joint. I bought a tot of akpuruachia/ogogoro/kaikai/tinkana – I don’t know what you call in in your own local parlance. But the gist is that I bought the locally brewed gin to kill cold.

Among the varied audience there was a middle aged couple. They were conversing audibly. All of a sudden the lady stopped talking. She was pointing at a young man man who was stark naked and whose penis was standing fully erect like an electric pool.

Like someone in reverie she slammed her hand on the body of her man and exclaimed to the utter embarrassment of her partner – “Jimmy, ihula hee amu ndi ifu ohia e! Jimmy, have you seen how penis is wasting o!”.

None around could control his laughter. I laughed and laughed and laughed to the point that tears started rolling down my cheek. What could have brought this sex-laden outburst from this pretty lady?

Could it be that this pretty lady is in dire need of that which this mad man already has in super abundance? This mad man has something which sane, beautiful and comfortable-looking lady desperately needs but the mad man doesn’t know the value of what he has. That is the irony of life. As the Igbo would ask – uwa ozuru onye? – who has it all?

This life no balance well. Everyone of us has at least one little devil he or she is battling in the secrecy of his/heart.

My prayer for you today:

As you go out today, may your village people not push you from behind while you are trying to apply break;

May the sight and pursuit of what you want not bring you to public shame.

Ubani Dannie

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